Man Up

I just finished the washing of the dishes. I’m not a big fan of that task. It has to be done though. There is a benefit to chores that I am a fan of. I get to think about things, usually, unmolested (don’t be a creep).

As I washed said dishes, I thought about my slip up and why I hid it from My Bride:
She already has a pretty low opinion of me. Why on earth would I give her MORE of a reason to think poorly of me? That would be insane! I’ll just keep it to myself, if she doesn’t find out, we are one day closer to healing our marriage.

That is, of course, bullshit. Hiding things from her is precisely what got me in this position to begin with. A man with integrity would not hide things from his wife. I want to be known as a man of integrity. Time to put away the childish things and act like a man. There’s something in the Bible about that somewhere.

About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
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5 Responses to Man Up

  1. chipgruver says:

    Good for you. being honest. Not letting this failure weigh you down. Accepting the forgiveness that Jesus really offers you. Good.

    The only thing I would add is that you need to be specific with someone about what happened. That doesn’t have to be this blog audience, but you do need to specifically say what happened. This really helps us know why we failed and shines the light on possible weaknesses we don’t know about.

    I am pleased with you coming clean within 24 hours. What a positive reaction to your sin!


    P.S. You also need to tell your wife as much as she wants to know. No more. No less.

    • Here’s the specifics:
      I watched porn, masturbated and…you know the rest.

      Pretty standard stuff.
      I copped to it after I wrote the posts. She asked a couple of questions, I answered and that was it. Having the flu might be a factor though.

      Actually she generally asks me why I tell her. She hasn’t been tremendously upset with me the times it has happened…at least she didn’t seem to be. She’s usually disappointed. She is always encouraging though.

    • As for why…
      I don’t know. I hate saying that, but I can’t put my finger on what prompted the slip. I just know I was surfing and the next thing I know…BAM! PMO.

      • chipgruver says:

        No worries. I irritate the men who hold me accountable with “I don’t know” most of the time. When they press me hard enough I tell them I could make something plausible up, but I honestly don’t know why this time and not another.

        Good deal. I always fear that in the confession there is some specific that is being hidden, so I always ask for the specifics. You know the, “I looked at porn. Masturbated, called a hooker, and contracted HIV.” We addicts sometimes leave out important details.

        I often think that the successful aren’t the people who are natively good at something, it is those who fail well.

        You have failed excellently (that is a compliment).


      • Ha!
        I’m setting new standards for excellence in failure!!!

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