Shut Up And Do It

As I’ve mentioned before, I hate going to SA meetings. It’s been 8 days since I’ve last been. During that time I have been to two addiction support groups meetings at church.

BRIGHT IDEA TIME!!!
As my previous therapy session was being postponed and rescheduled , The Good Doctor was ill, I asked if I could email a few questions to him. The one that really mattered asked if I could ditch SA in favor of these groups. “If the content is similar to SA, sure. Let’s talk about it next week.”

Shit.
The church support group is NOTHING like SA. I can have an actual conversation with everyone. Dialogue is forbidden in SA meetings. THAT’S why I hate the meetings. I’m a talker. I don’t like an organization telling me I can’t have a discussion over what I’ve just heard.

The SA-less days have stacked up, as have the days without contacting my sponsor. “You can’t talk about what someone else has shared…” is what really set me off.

“Who is this guy to tell me what I can and cannot say? Fuck him.” I think rebellious is an appropriate term for my current state.

I’ve spent a LOT of my day pondering this situation. Do I call? Do I just suck it up and go? Are 2 prunes enough or are 3 too many?

I called my sponsor. I told him of my severe dislike for the meetings. That elicited a pretty solid laugh. “You’re not the first to say that.” “No, I don’t think you understand. I’m not uncomfortable. I think the meeting format sucks. I’m not real big on being constrained in what I can discuss.”
“Maybe letting go of that control and submitting to the direction of the group is a good thing for you.” “Sotting around the table and reading a paragraph doesn’t seem too helpful to me.” “One of the acronyms for God is ‘Giver of Direction’ Think about that.”

That’s where he had me. I understood.
“Ok, I get it. The last five minutes boils down to you telling me to shit up and do it.” “I was trying to be nice.”
“See you Sunday, weather permitting.”

I’m still going to talk with The Good Doctor about this. I don’t like it. I have a complete disdain of handing over the controls to any part of my life. Annnnd that’s precisely part of my problem…I think. I THINK I can chalk that up to selfishness. I think. Maybe.

I called my wife and told her about it (this all happened as I was driving to pick one of my boys up). “Wow” was her reaction to Sponsor’s remarks.

Shit. That means she agrees with him.
Why does everyone in my life feel the need to conspire against me? Are these people speaking behind my back? I’m beginning to believe that The Good Doctor, Sponsor and My Bride exchange multiple emails each day.
***I was kidding with those last statements. I’m not that dense***

As I lie here in my bed to write, My Bride had asked what tonight’s blog was about. I told her I didn’t know, I free form everything and see where me brain takes me. THAT’S a scary thought.
Seriously though, I knew exactly what this was going to cover.

Dude!! In doing that, I sinned against her and God. Damn it. There’s something I don’t want starting up again- hiding things and avoiding the truth.

Baby Doll, I apologize for that.

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About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
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5 Responses to Shut Up And Do It

  1. chipgruver says:

    if the Universe is conspiring against you, how about we let it conspire against you and I.

    Let’s break down what is helpful in this group.

    1. You are submitting to an authority. This is good. Especially when you treat that authority with respect. It is the nature of authority that it can ask you to do things you don’t want to do (why would you have authority if it could only ask you to do things you wanted to do).

    2. The SA group is not in a format that is helpful to you. You feel that discussion is what you enjoy and that the reading is not helpful. I’m with you on this. These groups times are precious and for me it is a colasel (collosal? collosel? collasel? coll…you know what I mean) waste of time to be reading a book. The discussion is too precious. That is not to say the reading isn’t important to others, just not you and I.

    3. Listening to others in silence is character building for us because we are not in a particularly good habit of listening.

    4. Serving others in the group builds us up. It is delightful and character building to serve others in a way they would want to be served. This is easier to do in a more discussion base format.

    That is my fancy way of saying that you need to have two important considerations when you change groups. What can the group do for you? What can you do for the group? It’s possible that you have more to offer the SA group than it has to offer you.

    In my opinion, I think you should join the more discussion based groups. They are much more helpful to me and it makes me feel important to project my strengths and weaknesses onto you. It’s your call. Pray about it. If God says to stay in SA, then park your butt and ask God what he is trying to teach you.

    -Chip

    • I hope everyone that reads that post understands the conspiracy part was tongue in cheek.

    • Colossal
      C-O-L-O-S-S-A-L

      I really, really like the submit to authority part. That’s been a lifelong issue and needs to be addressed post haste.

      Online meetings are being considered. I’m also thinking of checking out an AA meeting to see if that might help.

      As for having more to offer than they can offer me…Maybe. That would be a long way down the line though. That would fit on with my goal of leading others through this minefield.

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