The One Step Journey

I had just pressured her for sex. 4 days into abstinence and I weakened. A lot.

She made it obvious that we had to stop talking about it. She began decorating the Christmas tree. I watched and was getting up to help. It was then I looked directly at her body.

I had never actually been aware of my mind slipping over the cliff of lust. I was very cognizant of it today. I saw her in her right pants and it was over. Full bloom lust.

Very quickly I removed myself. “Can you come here!?” was my call to her. I needed to explain myself.
What?
I need a hug.
Come and get it.

I couldn’t tell her what had happened. I went to the kitchen, made a cup of coffee and decided the dishes needed my attention.

I ran the water. I had a moment, I traipsed into where she was decorating the tree.
“I can’t be near you right now.”
Why not?
“You know…”
It’s gonna be a great 90days.

:::CUE THE GUILT:::
Can you at least come and talk with your son?
:::the oldest just pulled up:::

I brought myself in and avoided looking at her. Thankfully I needed to run an errand.

I love my wife. I love talking with her. I love looking at her. Mostly, I like being with her. That’s why it’s so painful when I just realized that she is a trigger for my lust. I’m going to have to discipline myself from looking at her body.

Dude, she’s my wife…
Dude, you’re a sex addict and you use her to medicate. Get the fuck over it.

90 days and I’ll (we’ll), allegedly, have a new outlook on sex. I know I cannot do all 90 days at once. It looks like an impossible journey. But, like all journeys, you get there by taking one step at a time.

Step…
Step…
We’re in this together…
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About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
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