I had just pressured her for sex. 4 days into abstinence and I weakened. A lot.
She made it obvious that we had to stop talking about it. She began decorating the Christmas tree. I watched and was getting up to help. It was then I looked directly at her body.
I had never actually been aware of my mind slipping over the cliff of lust. I was very cognizant of it today. I saw her in her right pants and it was over. Full bloom lust.
Very quickly I removed myself. “Can you come here!?” was my call to her. I needed to explain myself.
I need a hug.
Come and get it.
I couldn’t tell her what had happened. I went to the kitchen, made a cup of coffee and decided the dishes needed my attention.
I ran the water. I had a moment, I traipsed into where she was decorating the tree.
“I can’t be near you right now.”
It’s gonna be a great 90days.
:::CUE THE GUILT:::
Can you at least come and talk with your son?
:::the oldest just pulled up:::
I brought myself in and avoided looking at her. Thankfully I needed to run an errand.
I love my wife. I love talking with her. I love looking at her. Mostly, I like being with her. That’s why it’s so painful when I just realized that she is a trigger for my lust. I’m going to have to discipline myself from looking at her body.
Dude, she’s my wife…
Dude, you’re a sex addict and you use her to medicate. Get the fuck over it.
90 days and I’ll (we’ll), allegedly, have a new outlook on sex. I know I cannot do all 90 days at once. It looks like an impossible journey. But, like all journeys, you get there by taking one step at a time.