New Sources

I have come across 2 new resources that are AWESOME!!

The first being Your Brain On Porn.

I haven’t had very much time to pour through it, but what I’ve seen so far is incredible.

THIS, however, is mind altering (in the best way) information.

That second link will take you to a really great article written by the guy running the site. In it, he discusses what worked for him. I will be putting it all into action.

New Concepts

Abstinence Is Not Recovery- just because you’re not beating off doesn’t mean you’re addressing the real problem. The fact that you haven’t acted out in 729 days is nice and all, but it’s just a number. If all you do, after a relapse, is restart at zero, you’re basically telling yourself that you have started te recovery process all over.

Don’t Focus On Quitting Porn: The goal is to kill the habit of porn. That means you have to remove it from your mind. If you’re thinking about not using porn, you’re thinking about porn.

Write A Life Vision For Yourself: How do you see yourself in the future? How do you see yourself next week, month or years from now? What is it that you want when you’re healthy? Would you like to be a painter or maybe a ski instructor? Write it down. THAT is what you put all of your focus on. 100% of your time is to be dedicated to that vision. This is how you keep from focusing on not thinking about porn. Our lives need a direction. Even if this vision isn’t the final direction, it’s getting you away from porn.

Give Urgency To Your Life Vision: If you’re anything like me (and God help you if you are), you come up with a project or a plan. It’s a really nice plan. You might even start that project. It never gets completed. Make your Life Vision your number one priority. Get to it. Now. Do not quit. Make it a new way of life.

Develop An Indestructible Belief In Yourself: We typically quit reaching for our goals because we don’t actually believe we can do it. After working hard on something, we encounter difficulty. And then we quit. This is a weakness that must be pushed. This bastard is the one that I think will be my biggest stumbling block. I, like other addicts (I’ve been told), have an incredibly negative self vision. THIS MUST BE OVERCOME. I must literally brainwash myself.

Manage Your Emotional Life: Our addiction is not just cravings  and relapses. One of the reasons I became an addict is my inability to deal with my emotions. I have to remember that quitting porn is about growing up and becoming a real man. The article popints to this link, which talks about the top 3 fatal mistakes rebooters make.

Readjust Your Sexual Expectations: Quitting porn removes the never ending flow of hot chicks and all that comes with them. Those porn “actors” get paid a shit-ton of money to act like they’re real people in real situations. Porn isn’t real. It’s a fantasy. Real women do not like to bathe in your jizz. Real women aren’t too excited about a trip down the “dirt” road. Those porn chicks sure love that stuff. And that makes us believe that real women love that stuff too. Talk about hefting undue pressure on those poor women that end up in our web. No wonder my wife doesn’t like sex. “Come on baby, it won’t hurt when I put it there” was something I said quite a bit. Come to find out, it did hurt when I put it there. She was turned off. “Ummm, if you think you’re putting it in there, we can just hug tonight.” I had unrealistic expectations. Real women don’t like that shit. Sex is meant to be enjoyed. By both participants.

Thinking About Sex Isn’t Allowed: It just makes sense. If I’m a sex addict (I am), I should probably find something else to put my attention on. You don’t put a heroine addict in front of a pile of heroin and expect them to not have a reaction. My wife asked, “So how do you deal with that!? It sounds like the old ‘Don’t think of pink elephants’ thing.” This is where you pull out that Life Vision and focus on it.

This may not be new and incredible information to anyone but me. It’s new to me. It’s important to me.

 

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About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
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One Response to New Sources

  1. Jayelle says:

    May I add a few more that may be helpful to you and/or your wife? http://theloneliestjourney.wordpress.com/resources/
    feel free to delete if you aren’t interested, I know you guys are reading one of the three already but the other two have each been life changing to each of us in different ways, one for the SA and the other for the spouse and ways to self care 🙂

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