I could never figure out why knowing the truth about God never set me free. Or the truth about psychology or the Twelve Step program. But when I finally came to the place where I saw the truth about me-and despaired….well, that was the beginning.
-Sexaholics Anonymous
pg. 106
That is an incredibly powerful statement. It’s applicable to my exact situation. After running away from God for years, I finally know the truth. Only He can save me. Only He can deliver me from myself. Only He can protect me in this filthy world.
Truth about the psychology? I can talk to you about that for weeks and not even scratch the surface. I am all about research, technical and philosophical discussions and I try and get as academic as humanly possible. I love to read, write and learn.
I know the truth behind the psychology: I have been wounded by my past. This had made me a very angry person. Because of this I have found a way to self-medicate the pain away. Sexual gratification became my freedom from pain. But it developed into lust. Lust took over and became my savior.
I became consumed by lust and desire. I would literally do anything to satisfy the urges. No matter how sick and depraved it was, I did it.
I am only now, after living more than 41 years, learning truths about myself. Only now am I beginning to experience true emotion. It’s a terrifying experience. It’s also a rewarding experience.
The result of learning some of my truths:
Anger
Pain
Hurt
Sorrow
Loneliness
Anguish
Disgust
Joy
Excitement
Love
Happiness
Those all happen on a daily basis. And I have no idea how to handle some most of them. Things such as happiness and joy have been around before, but not like this.
It’s a new experience each day.
It’s a new set of challenges each day.
It’s a new set of horrors each day.
It’s a new set of excitements each day.
I can go on, but you get the point
How do we survive and thrive?
Day by day.
