The last 7 days have been magical. My bride has reacted quite unconventionally to my admission of infidelity and sexual grossities.
Instead of attacking she had been loving.
Instead of hostility she has given peace.
Instead of estrangement she has become closer than before.
Every stereotypical reaction is missing replaced by a loving and caring response. She is unbelievably accepting of me.
Notice I didn’t say forgiving. She hasn’t and shouldn’t. I also didn’t say she isn’t hurt. She is very hurt.
However, she has provided me an environment in which I can grow as a husband and a man. I am taking advantage of this opportunity.
The craziest thing to me- we have been incredibly intimate; mentally, emotionally and sexually.
She said, just today, that it’s almost like she doesn’t need counseling. She then followed up with she will still be going to her session today.
She says things like that sometimes. She also talks about how different I have been. That I am a totally different person. That she’s scared that this will end soon.
Honestly, that worries me as well. What if my actions are a direct result of her reaction? That’s almost assuredly true. But what if this is something akin to our new honeymoon period?
That is of particular concern. When we went through counseling before, we had a honeymoon experience. We were doing a little bit of work, or so we thought. It’s more likely that we were just in the afterglow of being “fixed” by that religious group.
Our “healing” lost momentum and screeched to a halt. Bad habits returned for both of us. This time they returned in spades and brought a few new “friends” along with them. We went from incredibly happy to surviving within 6 months. Another 6 months passed and it was downright painful. A year and a half later I was suggesting divorce (I’ve done it before) and she was starting to think I was right.
I think we hit counseling just in time. It’s pretty cool how God intervenes at the exact time he’s needed most.
We I had denied God entry into my marriage, I to my family and shut him out of my life. He still showed up.
This last February I converted from Christianity to Islam. My wife, who is finishing up her mental health masters degree, ended up accepting this. It took a few weeks though.
She considered my new beliefs and realized that there might just be more than one solution to spirituality. That maybe we could both be right.
This was huge. Before she got Into that program she would have dumped my ass. “You have different beliefs! You’re wrong, I’m right, get the hell out.”
That didn’t happen.
2 months later I was in the mental hospital. I had become suicidal.
5 months later I discovered she hated being sexual with me.
6 days later I was suicidal.
4 days later we were in marriage therapy.
2 weeks later I was in counseling.
2 weeks later we dropped marriage counseling.
2 days after that I disclosed my activities.
3 days later she began individual therapy.
3 days later I announced God would be involved with our recovery.
1 day later we watched a sermon over lust.
That night I reverted to Christianity.
We are in full belief that the conversion was used by God to prep her for my disclosure. We believe that God ordered each one of the above steps to prep us both for disclosure and the reaction to it.
God is involved.
“Without God I can’t; without me God won’t.”
By including God in the recovery equation, we can’t muck this up. Our marriage is out of our control. Our marriage became unmanageable. Now that Hod is involved, we can’t lose.